Over the past 5 months the word ” Weightloss” for some reason makes me cringe. Not because it makes me feel upset or sad , but the fact that the word Weightloss used to be my main goal , my main achievement and the set of scales was my measure of how well I was doing.
The photo above on the left shows me 6 years ago , obsessing over everything I ate , weighing myself every 2nd day , and beating myself up if I missed a gym session or ate something bad. I went from crash diet to crash diet and constantly felt unhappy with how I looked. Yet from the outside in I was the poster girl for weightloss transformations , the inspirational women who so many women looked up to ( I had numerous messages asking about my secret to losing weight). On screen I looked confident yet inside I felt I wasn’t “me”.
Not surprisingly I piled on the weight again , whilst battling with a Prolactinoma which creates absolute havoc on my hormones.
Fast forward to 5 months ago. I made the decision to become healthy. This right here , was the first awesome step in my journey , I chose to become healthy , not to lose weight.
I looked at maybe going to a boot camp , but I had been there done that , and once again it wasn’t something that was sustainable for me. I looked at attending the gym , but I know the gym would bore me , then I looked into Crossfit , and found a Crossfit box only 20min from my house , that night I booked myself in for a trial the next Monday at 6am . People will ask why on earth did I choose Crossfit? I watched a few Crossfit Games documentaries before and I always admired the sheer strength of the women and how they could do so much with their body ( I will be honest I was crapping myself on the first day).
During my 5months of Crossfit my body has been transforming into a machine…when I first started for the first month I kept weighing myself , my weight went up and not down… I decided weighing myself wasn’t helping me and my mindset and I would just focus on the task ahead which was to get fit and healthy.
Even though I haven’t lost any weight ( I actually weighed myself for the first time in a very long time tonight) , my body shape has changed incredibly , I have muscles developing left right and centre and my strength has increased so much since day one. The featured image shows you , that even though there is about 20kg difference between the left and the right , I can still fit the dress I fit 6 years ago ( even though I wouldn’t be rocking that anywhere now as it isn’t me anymore).
I embrace my curves wholeheartedly , I eat a pack of oreos , or a bar of chocolate when I feel like it , and I enjoy a good pizza or pasta every week. During the week we do keep to a fairly healthy lifestyle food wise , but I wouldn’t call it “clean”, one thing I know is that I enjoy what I eat instead of feeling like a rabbit.
Don’t get me wrong , you should still be proud of weightloss , and be proud of your achievements as I know its not easy , but one thing personally I have learnt , is that not obsessing over how much you weigh is one of the most empowering feelings you could experience.
I still have days when I lack confidence , I think its completely normal not to be a superwoman who is confident all of the time. But I don’t dwell on it and I move on.
Enjoy food. Enjoy exercise. Enjoy becoming healthy. Enjoy fitting clothes. Enjoy not feeling like you are in weightloss jail. Enjoy embracing every part of your body.
P.s 20kg difference between the two photos below! Still impressed that I could still rock that dress if I really wanted to – but I am much more happier in comfy pants haha